all i want for Christmas

what do i want for Christmas.? well i have thought long and hard about what i want for Christmas and i have come up with something! i want my mom for Christmas i realized how much i really missed her(evryday) but especiallly yesterday when i visited morgans house and was talking with her mom about random things... i missed the way i used to antagonise my mom, just to see her laugh(which usually ended up with her beating me up ha) or talking to the goat about how much mr.pig would eat and where he put all of that food (the goat always said he would explode oneday from eating sooo much food ha)or the way she would stick up for anyone on our hockey team and almost get in fights at tournaments (with girls that literally outweighed her by a couple hundred pounds for some reason i think her fighting spirit got passed down to me when she died ha.)but honestly i hurt today thinking about it! why does someone live to be a hundred ? and someone else 42? seriously i wanna open presents with my mom one more time or even just give her a hug. and i could definatly use her advise about some events that have taken place lately!!! anyways i hope she know that i love her and i miss you

i wrote this poem awhile ago for you goatie merry Christmas!!!

into the other side (mom)


What happened yesterday

when my heart gave way?

No air inside,no eyes to see your life is gone!

today im holding the hand of God, finally im truly alive, my feet no longer numb!!!

i've made it home

dear mom,

did it hurt when you passed into the other side? did it hurt when you heard me lie? did you fall on your knees ? tell me could you speak of anything, when he took your hand, when he wiped away your tears? are your feet no longer numb?

i wanna say goodbye but i know its not goodbye? its just the start

one day i will see you again

one day he will bring me home

i willl finally be alive!!

finally you have started your life.......

wow

you can do all you want for people, love and care about them and truly want them to get on their feet... but in the end all you can do is pray because people that trust solely in other people to fill a void in their heart will jus merely be disappointed in the end. so for the happy holidays put it towards God so you wont be put in a position to be stepped on by people who call you there "friends" and something else when you turn your back
yours truly,
straight jacket fashion ryan

hockey!hockey!hockey!

well i played hockey for the first time in like a year!!! wow i am so out of shape, i really enjoyed skating though. i really miss playing, i think im gunna try to get back into the nhl(the night hockey league ha) thats where all the old guys play. i cant wait to play again in an actual game... i figured me and andrew would be a little wabbly on the skates today but im reluctant to say we picked up everything pretty quick (just took more breaks than usual ha)! yea i need to get back into shape so i dont die on the ice of a heart attack
straight jacket fashion, ryan

vinyls?

soooo today i went to this store called thrifty ness on 59 th and bell(i dont know if its called thrifty ness, its thrift something)? anyways, they had a bunch of old vinyls their(those are the really big records way b4 atracks and cassettes and such) its funny because they were all really cheap so i bought some (2 to be
exact,johnny cash and frank sinatra). i was intrigued by these to think of where were at and what we came from. from big to small? why is it coooler the smaller it is? now its weird this is a trend in music i.e. examples

acoustic guitars , the smaller body styles are definatly trendy and alot of muscians prefer them over the bigger body styles

bass guitars.-gretsch has a new bass out that is the same length as a guitar but its a bass sounds good and im sure it will be a big hit with muscians???(a cello player would never have imagined a guitar sized bass?)

drums- drums,drums,drums, almost every company is getting used to releasing there kits in a classic 4pc series instead of 5 pieces now although drums are different because when they first hit the scene they were 3 pieces or 4 piece kits (jazz players mostly) then in the 70s and 80s these long haired freaks loved thes 8 to 12 piece kits with cymbal racks and such, and now its getting back to the 4 piece 5piece kits....

i dont know what my point is in this blog i guess im the one with the question on why were concerned with changing everything, always trying to one up or be the next best thing??? all i know is i stay out of it cause ive come to the conclusion that no matter how brand new and "fresh" the next big thing is , there will be something better to come ..... trendy ryan thumbs up str8aight jacket fashion!!!

Under0ath

not that you can hear the mmusic cuz this video was filmed by the drummer of their band aaron.underoath brings a passion thats on a whole new level, there drummer plays amazingly hard(watch the camera shake...crazy)....jus some backround on the band underoath is on a "christian" label called solid state. although they hate classifying themselves in categories they profess their faith at every show but they also let their fans know that they are not to be idolized for there is a living God and saving messiah Jesus who should recieve the glory. truly an inspiring band. check out there cd define the great line, you can pick it up at any best buy or berean!!!!!

forever and ever AMEN!!!

its very reissuring to know that i will spend eternity with a God who loves me unrelentlessly!!!! i just wanna let you know God that i am yours FOREVER AND EVER ETC...........

straight jacket fashion

in those moments where you always know the right thing to say, but makes you feel like your restrained from exploding the truth upon someone else... i.e.(example)

someone else: hey, whats up? , how are you doing?, hows life

you: hey , GOOD, im doing good!, life is great couldnt be better!!!!?(u make that weird face with your lips stuck together ha)

(straight jacket fashion)

the real you : hey, whats up?, not so well me and my dad got in a fight the other day over some pointless stuff and now i feel like he hates me, life could be better if i could just make him happy....?

how many times do you just shake a hand ?
how many times do you talk in circles about random things?
how many questions start with how are you? and end with im good?

how many of us really care if their life is going good or not, is your day going to change if they tell you its going horrible? would you do something to help them if they exposed their life to you, or something their struggling in?

i dont have the answer

the simple fact is that most people "dont trust" other people enough to tell them who they are so we never will get to share moments of laughter, despare, sorrow, or loy with these "friends"

ive got a confession,(the tension mounds)

for the past two years i have been lieing to pretty much all my close friends at my church, and to a person who cared i about deeply. i told this person when i entered into a relationship with them that i was a virgin, so that they might like me better or think of me highly. i lied, in high school i made a mistake, and i have to suffer with that mistake. it kills me to tell you this. when i lied to this person, i had to cover all the bases, i had to lie to a mess of people who i care deeply about, i dont really have aything to say other than im really sorry. i dont wanna be fake anymore i wanna be released and live life and ultiamatly i wanna see God again. i proved to be human i screwed up and i hope some of you can take from me that lying gets you ABOSLUTLY no where in life. take it from me its not worth losing sleep, a person you really care about, or years off your life(caused by stress of always protecting yourself from being caught).

i can only ask that you will forgive me... (dont be shy to yell at me i deserve it)

this isnt an example. this is me being real i can just hope that we can all trust each other enough to be open with what were struggling with.

Psalms38:18 i confess my iniquity im troubled by my sin
yours in the str8aight jacket
ryan,